Gee...Thanks.

It's hard to pick out a good gift for someone. What I often do is buy the person in question something that I want and then get super mad when they aren't as excited about it as I would have been and tell myself that I should have kept it and gotten them the cheaper gift I originally had in mind. (I never express this outwardly, of course...what kind of a heartless shrew would I be if I did that?)

But seriously...gifts are super weird. At what point did it become necessary to give gifts for so many things? Christmas, birthday, graduation, retirement, new house, anniversary, wedding, baby, just "because." It's too much.

And rather than acknowledging that it's all too much, and that, if I never speak to you anymore, I probably don't want to give you a pricey gift nor do I expect one from you - we keep the gift-giving tradition alive. And some are even passive-aggressive about it. Like when people re-gift....or when they give stupid old crap that was clearly free (or darn close to it) and that has absolutely nothing to do with your personality or the occasion. Like dollar store shower gel that smells like old lady armpit. Nobody wants that shit. Nobody. I think there is a certain point where "It's the thought that counts," just isn't true. What does it say to you if I'd give you some stank ass shower gel? It either says, "I hate you and this is what you deserve." Or "I totally forgot about this, so I stopped at the dollar store on the way over here and grabbed the cheapest and first thing I saw." At that point...seriously...don't bother. Even just a card with a nice sentiment and nothing else inside is better than that crap. I would rather have nothing than mystery shower gel that's been collecting dust on a dollar store shelf for 12 years and smells like gardenias and minge.

It's also just as uncomfortable when people give really inappropriate gifts of the other end of the spectrum...too familiar...too pricey...too much.

Like, if it's someone you don't know that well...don't effing buy them clothes. I've gotten some of the most laughably bad clothing as gifts from people who barely know me at all. I won't go into specifics because I don't want to offend anyone...but unless you know someone super well (and even then, it's a stretch...unless it's a baby because they can't yet choose their own wardrobe) don't get them clothing....

And it's also just as tacky to get some lavash, extravagant gift when you don't know the person that well. If you have to look up their phone number, don't drop hundos or thous. I don't care how rich and fabulous you are. Well....maybe not. Maybe if I were rich and fabulous I would buy a bunch of ridiculously expensive stuff for people I don't really care about. I can't say what I would do...because I've never been there.

I've also recently become aware of websites that offer "Gift Ideas" for various "types" of people. These suggestions are rarely very good and also almost always suggest things that are stupid expensive. What to get the gadget guru? An iPad! At the bargain price of $800! While you're at it, get him started with several e-books! Only five bucks a piece! And make sure he's got the best photos with his new fancy pants camera...only $1,700! That's not a gift. That's a mortgage payment. That's a used car (a crappy one, but still). That's a new wardrobe.



Ok, doesn't look like the rain is going to let up anytime soon, so I'm gonna get while the gettin's good.