Potpourri...I Don't Get It.

I understand wanting to have a house or car or office that smells nice. I'm big on smells. There was a commercial for something once that said that scent is the sense that has the closest ties to memory. I don't know the science behind all that business, but I think it's bound to be true. When I smell certain things, I automatically think about other times I've smelled it - where I was, what I was doing, etc.

A good example of that is Dial soap. The orange kind. It makes me think of being a little kid and washing my hands at Mawmaw Nucy's house before lunch (or before touching anything in her house - "tidy" would be the understatement of the century to describe Mawmaw. A cousin of mine once said that Mawmaw's floor was cleaner than most plates he eats off of. That's probably not false. And that's not an insult against his plates.).

A bad example of that is disgusting dirty bathroom rotten crotch mixed with B.O. The first time I had the luxury of basking in this delight was when I went on my trip to Europe. It was hot. Euro ladies were sweaty and wearing tight pants. I had to pee really badly. There was no escape. I have since smelled that odor one other time...at Jazz Fest.

Then there's the same old story about certain perfumes or colognes reminding you of people. That's just how it is. Scents stay with you, for better or worse.

Having said that, I don't get potpourri. Now I'm not talking about the spray kind, or the candles or bags (that you aren't supposed to open) or whatever other sort of incarnations that crap comes in that I'm unaware of because I have allergies and just generally am not super girly enough to care about that sort of crap anyway....

I'm talking about the dyed wood shavings and acorns and leaves and shriveled, dried up fruits and whatever other kinds of ridiculous crap they put in that stuff. What is all that? And, more importantly, why??

Why can't you just have something that will scent a room without looking like a dish of bar snacks? (Funny story: My grandpa, while on a trip with two of his grandsons and in a full-blown bout of crazy [see previous post on Geezerville], actually grabbed some of the "decorative" potpourri out of a dish, mistaking it for delicious treats, and ate it.) Are they trying to poison the elderly with red and blue dyes and whatever else is in that stuff? Was this type of potpourri developed by deranged children of the wealthy who want their parents to snack on it during a bout of crazy so that they can quickly collect their inheritance?

It's not like it's always different types of foliage in this stuff either. Oh no. The scents, or "flavors" as my sister would say, don't necessarily correspond to what the artificially-colored compost is. There's still twigs and berries in it no matter if it's "Mountain Berry" or effing "Vanilla Meadow." There might be a cinnamon stick thrown in for good measure if the scent is cinnamon-based, but I think that may be the one exception.

What I'm getting at is...do we really need dishes in our house full of snack impostors that will confuse old people, small children and perhaps even pets? It's really not that pretty, so it's not like it would make a killer centerpiece. It's artificially-colored and scented. It's a waste of time and space, and it's going to kill The Greatest Generation and Man's Best Friend. Do Gramps and Fido a favor and get a candle.

-Sidenote- Do y'all remember the big scandal when the spray cans of potpourri...the ones with the big flower display photos on the can...had hidden wieners in them? I've gotta meet the dude who did that. That's the prank of the century right there. All the old ladies and soccer moms spraying cans of potpourri around their houses that have a picture of your junk hidden on it like Waldo. Priceless.