Something in my teef?

I'm sure you've all experienced it...

You're having a conversation with someone (particularly of the serious and/or work-related variety) and they keep breaking eye contact to stare at something else on your person during that conversation...

Maybe you're one of the ones who are guilty of it. Maybe you don't realize you're even doing it. Maybe, if asked, you wouldn't have any idea why you broke eye contact to stare at my teeth/hair/chin/face/boobies and wouldn't have the slightest clue what you were even looking at...but seriously, stop it.

For someone with a warped sense of humor like me (and perhaps a splash of paranoia...ok, more than a splash. An upturned "handle" of paranoia), I lose focus on what we're talking about and begin to obsess over what you could be seeing that I didn't realize was there. My thought process shifts to something like this:

Is it a giant bean skin stuck in my teeth from my lunchtime burrito? Spinach or a large chunk of black pepper perhaps? Is my cleavage about to consume a small child? I didn't think I wore a boobie top today. Did my top lose its shape and therefore turn into a boobie top without me realizing it? Is there some sort of bug crawling on me? OMG what kind of bug is it? Did someone draw all over my face last night without my knowledge and it didn't all come off during my morning bath? Did they draw a wiener? God, please don't let it be a wiener. What if it is a weiner and they can't quite tell what it is just yet? Maybe I should shift around to obscure the view. Holy crap, it's hot in here. I'm probably flushing now with embarrassment and self-consciousness. Great. Just perfect. Now my face is technicolor crawfish red and my child-eating cleavage is practically a glowing neon sign on the door to Boobtown. Press release? What press release? SHIT!

So please, friends, for my sanity and that of those like me, try to maintain eye contact during conversation. You could save someone a trip to the looney bin.