Short post today (yes, I know it's been a while, and YES, I will really try to be better about regular postings. It's just really difficult because I'm po' and live in the stone age and don't have a functioning computer with the internets at my house, so instead of having the luxury of coming home after work, I have to go to a place with a functioning computer and internet, write the blog (which takes me over an hour usually) and then do whatever obligatory visiting is required for the blogging place in question. By that time, I don't get home until 7pm, which is a pain in my ass. Especially when not many people read this thing anyway. If more of you read and commented, it might be worth the effort. Thanks to those that frequently do. You guys own my heart. I may sound bitter. Sorry. It's really not about this. I actually really enjoy blogging. It's the important "real job" part and having to spend so much time doing it that I hate.)
Anyway, today's post is about something I often think about while watching talk shows...both daytime and night time, but particularly the night time ones.....
I judge people by whether or not they stay for the subsequent guests.
You know. When they move down a chair and stay and listen to the lesser-known or not-as-hot-right-now star gab about what they're promoting as well...
I realize some people are big shits (I meant to type "shots," but that made me laugh, so I'm rollin' with it) and have zillions of other places they could be as soon as they wrap up the interview, particularly if they're promoting a new movie, because that is always crazy and chaotic.
But c'mon man. Really? You've got more important things to do than the TONIGHT SHOW (I miss my Coco sooo soooo much)? Or Letterman? Or even effing Late Night with Jimmy Fallon? Please. Give me a freakin' break.
It's like their time is soooo soo valuable, they can't spare an additional ten minutes? Or, worse, they are such big shits (staying with it) that they couldn't POSSIBLY give up the focus of attention to someone else on national television? Couldn't possibly take a backseat for TEN FREAKING MINUTES even though they were first and we had to sit through their whole thing? Give me a break! Those egomaniacle turds should calm the eff down.
So yeah, it always makes me like someone more if they stay for the second interview. It shows that they have more character, that they care more, that they aren't so self-obsessed that they can actually sit through the cameras and questions being directed toward someone else for ten minutes. Especially in that business. The Hollywood "Look at me" business.
Recently I saw Robert Pattinson on the Tonight Show. The biggest star in the freaking universe right now. And HE freaking stayed. So, no excuses for anyone else. None.
Speaking of Rob, I've had a post about Twilight planned for a while now. Why I love to hate it. A review, of sorts. That will probably be this weekend. Still have Road Rage post and Milan Lounge post to work on as well. Plenty of stuff planned. Just have to make myself better at this regular posting thing. Sorry, guys. I promise that I'll try to be better. Stick around.
Showing posts with label celebrities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label celebrities. Show all posts
June 23, 2010
May 24, 2010
Poo Styles of the Rich and Famous
I had a Facebook status about this a while back, but as a connoisseur of the disgusting, I figured I should dedicate a full blog entry to this thought:
Celebritity poop.
I am seriously quite curious as to how this works for them. They're always out and about - talk shows, award shows, on the set of a movie or TV show, nightclubs, coffee shops, restaurants, shopping, etc. Yet you never hear stories of any of them totally destroying a bathroom's integrity.
I got a comment in my status entry about how you have to eat enough to have a proper shit. While this may be true, I think most famous people actually eat...but what they eat (and ... let's just say "consume") only adds fuel to my curiosity about this less-than-glamorous topic.
Let's start with the obvious - Gwyneth. On her website, she's always talking about these detoxifying, "cleansing" diets she's on. Basically, these diets entail eating stuff that makes you "shit like a pet coon" as my dad would say, in order to cleanse the colon and make you more energetic and lively. That's great and all...but seriously...if she does these cleanses so much, and probably keeps up with the legumes, bran, leafy greens and stuff. I'm just sayin' - her poops must be epic.
A lot of them are on macrobiotics and other diets like that that involve lots of "cleansing" foods. I wouldn't be able to leave my house.
Then, of course, there's the other side of the celebrity spectrum. Those on the booze and drug diet.
Let me first say that I've followed the good advice of the older, wiser people in my life and have never touched the hard stuff, nor do I ever plan to...but I've lived in a city known for rampant use of hard drugs. I've seen it....I know people that partake, and I've heard plenty of stories about what many of those hard drugs do to the bowels and digestive system, and it ain't pretty.
And even for those of us who haven't experienced that first hand - I think we've all been there after a night of boozing. I won't get too graphic...but y'all know what I mean.
Then the coffee! They are forever photographed with a freakin' latte in their hands. Once again - a main ingredient for an extra large colon jolt.
And finally, the cigarettes. I know not as many celebrities smoke now as they did in years past, especially not when they are going to be photographed, but I'm pretty sure a good number of them still smoke. And nothing kickstarts the bowels like a morning cigarette. Especially when accompanied by coffee.
So how, when you mix the "cleansing" diets, the alcohol, the drugs, the coffee and the cigarettes, are these people not walking doodoo machines? Seriously? How are they not having to #2 every single place they go?
Are there confidentiality agreements involved? "Sorry I bombed your bathroom. Sign this paper please. If you tell anyone about this, I'll see your ass in court." ????
Do they have their assistants pretend to be the offenders? "If you pretend it was you, I'll give you first dibs at the gift tent." ????
Do they leave whatever function they were attending to go to a more secure location to poop?
And don't give me the whole, "Maybe people don't care." or "Maybe people are just too sophisticated to comment on things like that," because that's malarky. We are treated to much more offensive and disgusting information about these people all the time. You're telling me we can all see a shot of Britney's hoo-ha when she gets out of a car, but a story about her dropping a deuce is just too personal and too much to bear?
We can hear Jessica Simpson talk about how she rarely brushes her teeth. We can see hundreds of these people's sex tapes (some of which involve much nastier stuff than a story about pooping in a public bathroom). We can see Fergie's crotch shot from when she allegedly pissed her pants on stage. We can see a photo of Lindsay Lohan, straw in hand, lines on mirror, when she's just missed a court date and, rather than flushing turds, is flushing her life down the toilet. We can watch Kate Gosselin do whatever the hell this is. We can watch Jon Gosselin be Jon Gosselin. And we can see pretty much all the way down into the depths of Paris Hilton's vagina canyon (if we wanted to...which I don't. Hence the lack of link).
Yet, poop stories are unheard of.
I, for one, would rather hear a funny story about a celeb makin' turds than I would see any of the above. But maybe that's just me.
Celebritity poop.
I am seriously quite curious as to how this works for them. They're always out and about - talk shows, award shows, on the set of a movie or TV show, nightclubs, coffee shops, restaurants, shopping, etc. Yet you never hear stories of any of them totally destroying a bathroom's integrity.
I got a comment in my status entry about how you have to eat enough to have a proper shit. While this may be true, I think most famous people actually eat...but what they eat (and ... let's just say "consume") only adds fuel to my curiosity about this less-than-glamorous topic.
Let's start with the obvious - Gwyneth. On her website, she's always talking about these detoxifying, "cleansing" diets she's on. Basically, these diets entail eating stuff that makes you "shit like a pet coon" as my dad would say, in order to cleanse the colon and make you more energetic and lively. That's great and all...but seriously...if she does these cleanses so much, and probably keeps up with the legumes, bran, leafy greens and stuff. I'm just sayin' - her poops must be epic.
A lot of them are on macrobiotics and other diets like that that involve lots of "cleansing" foods. I wouldn't be able to leave my house.
Then, of course, there's the other side of the celebrity spectrum. Those on the booze and drug diet.
Let me first say that I've followed the good advice of the older, wiser people in my life and have never touched the hard stuff, nor do I ever plan to...but I've lived in a city known for rampant use of hard drugs. I've seen it....I know people that partake, and I've heard plenty of stories about what many of those hard drugs do to the bowels and digestive system, and it ain't pretty.
And even for those of us who haven't experienced that first hand - I think we've all been there after a night of boozing. I won't get too graphic...but y'all know what I mean.
Then the coffee! They are forever photographed with a freakin' latte in their hands. Once again - a main ingredient for an extra large colon jolt.
And finally, the cigarettes. I know not as many celebrities smoke now as they did in years past, especially not when they are going to be photographed, but I'm pretty sure a good number of them still smoke. And nothing kickstarts the bowels like a morning cigarette. Especially when accompanied by coffee.
So how, when you mix the "cleansing" diets, the alcohol, the drugs, the coffee and the cigarettes, are these people not walking doodoo machines? Seriously? How are they not having to #2 every single place they go?
Are there confidentiality agreements involved? "Sorry I bombed your bathroom. Sign this paper please. If you tell anyone about this, I'll see your ass in court." ????
Do they have their assistants pretend to be the offenders? "If you pretend it was you, I'll give you first dibs at the gift tent." ????
Do they leave whatever function they were attending to go to a more secure location to poop?
And don't give me the whole, "Maybe people don't care." or "Maybe people are just too sophisticated to comment on things like that," because that's malarky. We are treated to much more offensive and disgusting information about these people all the time. You're telling me we can all see a shot of Britney's hoo-ha when she gets out of a car, but a story about her dropping a deuce is just too personal and too much to bear?
We can hear Jessica Simpson talk about how she rarely brushes her teeth. We can see hundreds of these people's sex tapes (some of which involve much nastier stuff than a story about pooping in a public bathroom). We can see Fergie's crotch shot from when she allegedly pissed her pants on stage. We can see a photo of Lindsay Lohan, straw in hand, lines on mirror, when she's just missed a court date and, rather than flushing turds, is flushing her life down the toilet. We can watch Kate Gosselin do whatever the hell this is. We can watch Jon Gosselin be Jon Gosselin. And we can see pretty much all the way down into the depths of Paris Hilton's vagina canyon (if we wanted to...which I don't. Hence the lack of link).
Yet, poop stories are unheard of.
I, for one, would rather hear a funny story about a celeb makin' turds than I would see any of the above. But maybe that's just me.
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