This Is How We Do It

Wanted to share some fun photos from a shopping excursion my friends and I recently took (ok ok...it was a few weekends ago at this point. I'm neglecting the blog. I'm sawwy.) to a magical discount clothing outlet in an even more dazzling place - the Alexandria Mall.

My friends and I, we've often done this thing when shopping where we pick out the ugliest crap we can find and try it on. It was especially fun when shopping for formal wear when we were looking for prom attire in high school. (Boy do I wish I had some of THOSE pictures of my friend Lauren. Horrible old lady formal dress. Horrible hooker formal dress. Gooood stuff!) But it's still fun today with "casual" or "dressy casual" clothing.

So where do we begin...

While perusing the jackets, I came across a color that is usually reserved for old Mawmaws. What a delightful shade of corpse this was!

But, much to our dismay, it didn't look as horrendous on me as it did on the rack. (Probably because I'm so pale, that the corpse-like color actually made me look a little alive?) It actually looked sorta good....so good, in fact, that I ended up buying the same jacket in a slightly bigger size (obviously...fatty alert!) and a different color (brown). (Leave me alone, it may be slightly Michael Jackson-y sans zippers, but it was only $13).

This brings me to the next beautiful item on the agenda....The Pink Pleather Shirt.

I don't know what kind of 80s stylish secretary hell this thing came from, but I've never tried anything on that breathed LESS than this thing did. As soon as I put it on, my body temp increased to about 195 degrees. Not cool indeed! But it's SO FLATTERING! Especially with my hawt double chins! You pay a price for being this sexy....

Actually, you pay the price not only in sweat, but also in cash. I am most certainly a bargain shopper and have a hard time spending more than $30 on any single piece of clothing because I'm poor and would rather spend money on important things like food (fatty!) and booze. This pink horror was actually the most expensive thing I tried on all day, believe it or not. It was right at $30. NO THANK YOU.

Finally, what Pink Pleather Shirt could possibly be properly accentuated without fancy, designer juhree from the famous Charles Klein. Calvin wishes he were as stylish and fabulous as his fancy brother Charles. Calvin ain't got shit on Charles.

And pink plastic "pearls" are so hot right now. Lauren knows.

Finally, to complete the entire ensemble....we need shoes. And not just any shoes would do. We needed Shoe Sextacy. We needed ....THESE!!

Hope you guys got a little joy out of this. Sorry the photos are so small (well...some of them at least...like the shoes). Computer is being wonky and not uploading properly, so could only do small ones.