Simon the Package

For any of you who don’t know me super well – I do most of my shopping online. When buying clothing online, I stick to places where I know my size. For everything else, it’s just so much easier.

You don’t have to talk to people. Some days, I really just don’t want to have to speak to a single person besides those I’ve chosen to have to speak to on a daily basis (even then…I don’t always want to talk to them either). Some days I want to read and watch TV and hang out outside and not utter a single word to anyone…not have to hear anyone’s bitching and whining, not have to engage in all those pre-mapped and unnecessary conversations.

“Hey…how are you?” “Good, how ‘bout yourself?” “Fine. How’s ____?” “_____ is doing really well.” “That’s great.” “Yeah. How’s your job?” “It’s alright. Yours?”

And it goes on like that without anyone really saying anything of any real substance. It’s generally pretty useless, right? Especially when it’s someone we see or talk with regularly. Same. Crap. All. The. Time. Which is why I like to have the occasional day of silence. It’s not because I’m training to be a monk or something. I just need an occasional break. And I’m not trying to act all high and mighty like I don’t initiate those exact same types of conversations. I do. All the time. Anything to avoid awkward silence.

Anyway, I’m getting off my intended topic for today, which is: shipping.

As a frequent online shopper, I get lots and lots of stuff shipped over to me. And let me just say that nothing makes me feel more like an excited little child than waiting to receive my recently-purchased goodies. From the moment I order something until the moment I’m holding it in my hot little hands, it feels just like Christmas - when you ask your parents a thousand times when you can open your presents. It’s a pretty good feeling, that excitement…

…just not when it lasts RIDICULOUSLY LONG! Seriously…I usually just have things shipped standard ground. It’s VERY hit or miss. Sometimes I’m shocked with how quickly I get things. Sometimes (through the technological wonder of package tracking) I find out that it’s been sitting in some warehouse in Dallas for a week and a half.

I realize all companies and government agencies that ship things are probably super efficient, and there are probably lots of variables that I’m unaware of because I don’t work there…but whenever I track a package and realize it hasn’t moved or even been scanned in several days…it sorta makes me wonder.

The poor little box…sitting in a dark corner all alone for days with no sunlight and only water and crusts of bread to survive on (just go with it). I imagine those places being like package prison. The little package (Let’s call him Simon), destined for my loving arms, is locked up for something that’s not his fault. It’s because I refused to pay eighty dollars for express shipping. So he sits, and he waits.

And I sit, and I wait.

Seriously, I understand that they’re probably delivering much more important things than my stupid new Sookie Stackhouse book. I realize they’re under lots of stress. I know Simon isn’t really sitting in there all alone…he’s probably surrounded by others just like him…

But they really need to get him the hell out of Dallas. I need to know what happens between Sookie and Eric!