Sessy Beard

I don't know why or where it comes from. I realize it's extremely unpopular these days to think this type of look is attractive, but I have a penchant for scruffy dudes, as many of you may have noticed. David isn't usually too scruffy, but he's always rockin some type of beard action. Especially in the winter. And I loooove it.

For some reason my heart turns to goo when I see a giant beard or goatee. I am more likely to talk to someone who looks this way than someone who is clean-shaven. I think it's because a massive beard automatically indicates that this person isn't all metrosexual or overly concerned with looking "hot" by today's standards (which, as you've probably noticed, I am not either). They probably don't have a big fancy-pants schmoozing sort of job, which probably means that they're not snooty pretentious. If they're drinking beer...even better! Musician? Ding ding ding!

I'm sure there have been a few gatherings where the unidentified Yeti was with me...

I know that system is flawed. Obviously not everyone with a beard is nice or funny or even slightly attractive (Unabomber). I just can't help it. I think beards are better.

Jon Hamm from Mad Men - better with a beard.
Ryan Reynolds - better with a beard.
Ryan Gosling - better with a beard.

And, despite popular opinion, I even like the Brad Pitt beard. (Although no Brad Pitt will ever beat THIS BRAD PITT - which is also a facial-haired Brad Pitt.)

How...having said all that...there is a major difference between hot beard and creepy facial hair.

Remember AJ from the Backstreet Boys? (You do...don't play cool and act like you don't) - That, my friends, was bad facial hair.

Some others that automatically set off my "douche alarm" are:
Soul patch
Fu Manchu (unless you're an old biker dude or Sam Elliot)
The Hitler
This sorta nonsense.
And when people who can't properly grow it really, really try to.

I am also not a fan of the mustache. When accompanied by a beard, a mustache isn't so bad...but you're playing with fire if you expect your mustache to be able to stand alone, in my opinion. You're flirting with pedophile-middle-school-gym-teacher or 70s porn star comparisons. Ladies loved Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck...maybe that was just a 70s and 80s thing and has waned in popularity?

Every year, my friends in New Orleans used to have a mustache-growing contest. Just mustache. And they'd see who could get the best mustache growth, and also, who could go the longest without shaving it because of significant other/work/other reasons. The results were always hilarious. I wish I had some photos of that to share.

So, bottom line, beards are good when they're effortless and indicate a lack of vanity. But anything, including facial hair, that involves too much try-harding is going to fail miserably...like AJ from the Backstreet Boys.