Mornings - Like Mondays, Only Worse.

So, I'm obviously not a fan of mornings at all. I'm sure those of you who are reading this probably know that. I am a vicious, evil, catty mess until I've either had a bath/shower or a caffeine jolt...or at least gotten a chance to move around a bit. You do not want to have a conversation with me if I've been up for less than a half an hour - which is why you should NEVER, under ANY circumstances, call me early in the morning or late at night. If you think I might be sleeping...don't do it.

My sister loves to tell this story to illustrate my morning evil...

She was finishing high school at Louisiana School at the time, and was home for the weekend. I was 2-3 years old. For some reason, everyone was gone. It was just she and I left home alone together...and it was in the morning.

I came into my kitchen as I usually did in the morning....wearing a bitchface and my pjs....and sat at the table.

My sister was new and didn't know the drill. She had no idea that I couldn't properly function without my morning hot chocolate. So she probably said something like, "Morning, Boober! Do you want some breakfast?"

I then probably gave her the death stare (which is like the bitchface if the bitchface were making a bitchface) and screeched, "I WANT MY HOT CHOCOLATE!!!!!!" - I was super charming as a child...really, I was.

So she proceeds to try to make my hot chocolate...first she used the wrong cup, so I had to correct her about that as well. I had to have it in my coffee mug with the bear on it. Always.

And it had to be the correct temperature, which meant there was a certain amount of time my mom would heat it up in the microwave, which Sara didn't know about, so first it was too hot and we were going to have to let it cool. After much crying and protesting and schooling, I finally got my hot chocolate.

Now, contrary to the way I am today in taking my sweet and precious time with food and beverage, I would GOOZLE my morning hot chocolate. I mean...me as a tiny two-year-old would gulp that stuff down without setting the mug down until it was all gone.

Then I'd of course get a horrible stomachache. So I'd put my head down on the table and moan and wail and writhe in agony. Sometimes I'd spew...but usually not. Then...once that passed...I'd jump down and be ready for the daily activities.

I guess my morning rituals have always been slightly off....

Which is why I don't get you morning people. How do you do it? What are you on? How do you wake up and immediately want to TCB? Making all kinds of noise and jumping right into work. Or worse...GETTING UP EARLIER THAN YOU HAVE TO so that you can do things like exercise or "enjoy the day"......

Umm..."enjoy the day" my ass. You know what makes an enjoyable day for me? Sleep. I don't want to get up at 5am so I can watch the news and see the sunrise. I see the sun SET every day, and it's just as marvelous. I can also see the news at night or in the afternoon, but ya know what? I don't watch it then either, because it effing sucks and is depressing, and if I wanted to be depressed all the time, I'd have chosen my other possible career paths of social work and counseling.

So yeah...share your secrets, Morning People. I need to know how you do it. But, in the meantime, don't mess with me in the morning. Especially on the road. I'm talking to you, bus drivers and others who think it's fun to pull out in front of the angry girl in the little car who is late for work and go five mph below the speed limit.

See? Less than a week and I've posted another entry. I'm trying! Still got lots to discuss, my dears. Stay tuned. And check this regularly...even if I don't put a Facebook link...because I don't always get to do that.